Our latest in our series of open letters from our #workingmum readers for MMB Magazine.
Dear Sophie
I am writing to confirm your appointment to the post of Director of Maths from 1st September.
This was the start of the letter I received 2 years to the day after I had returned from maternity leave. My career had been progressing over the previous 8 years of teaching, but becoming a Mum had fundamentally changed my priorities and not only made me a better wife but also a better teacher and leader.
So what had changed?
I became stronger. I went back to work when my son was 11 weeks and 6 days. Every time I was asked if I was back “full time” was a stab in the heart. My husband is a stay at home Daddy and when I explained baby was not in nursery I was told that was “easier.” It is not easy to leave your baby at 7:30 in the morning without even a cuddle. I also had to deal with the endless comments from people who didn’t understand our situation; “well if work matters more than your child!” It doesn’t – in fact…
Work mattered less. I don’t want you thinking I am teaching your child and not caring, but the words that the students said were no longer important to me. I could be free to try new things in the classroom and it wasn’t the end of the world if it didn’t work. But I wanted to make students understand more than ever – these were someone else’s children and if I was not prepared to go above and beyond for my students, how could I expect anyone else to do that for my child? What could have been a week of sleepless nights worrying about an upcoming lesson observation, was now never more than one night of worry – the second night I was too exhausted to not sleep.
Time became all-consuming. My work has to fit around nap time. And bed-time. I work very early in the morning as I get up and the rest of the house doesn’t. I made a decision that if my son asks to play, I have 5 minutes to wrap up whatever I am doing. He needs to know that when I am at home, he is my number 1 and marking can wait. We try and meet at a park close to my work once a week. Just one day when I can leave early makes all the difference – 5 minutes in the park and whatever stress of the day is long forgotten. He is such a happy, confident and loving boy because he knows that I will always come back.
I became stronger. I went back to work when my son was 11 weeks and 6 days. Every time I was asked if I was back “full-time” was a stab in the heart. My husband is a stay at home Daddy and when I explained baby was not in nursery I was told that was “easier.” It is not easy to leave your baby at 7:30 in the morning without even a cuddle. I also had to deal with the endless comments from people who didn’t understand our situation; “well if work matters more than your child!” It doesn’t – in fact…
I stick to the rules more. I know it is not popular to confiscate a student’s phone, but I understand far more that consistency is one of the things that all students are craving. Once they see a bit of leeway, they exploit it. G knows what he can push with Daddy and what he can with Mummy. Students in the classroom are the same. They know which classes they can send a sneaky text through from, and which will have it confiscated until Friday.
I became stronger. I went back to work when my son was 11 weeks and 6 days. Every time I was asked if I was back “full time” was a stab in the heart. My husband is a stay at home Daddy and when I explained baby was not in nursery I was told that was “easier.” It is not easy to leave your baby at 7:30 in the morning without even a cuddle. I also had to deal with the endless comments from people who didn’t understand our situation; “well if work matters more than your child!” It doesn’t – in fact…
I don’t want anyone reading this to think that I am saying going back to work and leaving your child is easy; it is not. But I wouldn’t be where I am today without being a Mum. My son has given me the drive to achieve more; to make him proud of me!
Fundamentally, I am complete. Within the first month, one of my best friends came to meet us and said just this. I spent a long time being a Mum without a child and I think that meant I couldn’t relate to the parents of my students in the same way. They had something I did not. I never understood teachers who said “but I wouldn’t ever have my own children. ” Without them, we don’t have a job!
Everything I do is for my son. Some days that is hard to believe when is parents evening and you sit talking to the 6 parents who have made the effort to turn up in return for half-an-hour with your own child. But every opportunity I take is giving him and our family more financial freedom. He doesn’t need every toy or clothes to be brand new, but I want to be able to not have to question what we are spending when we are together.
I don’t want anyone reading this to think that I am saying going back to work and leaving your child isn’t easy; it’s not. But I wouldn’t be where I am today without being a mum. My son has given me the drive to achieve more; to make him proud of me!
# How I Became Stronger As A Working Mum