Updated May 2026

The Biggest Mistakes Mums Make Returning To Work After Maternity Leave

Returning to work after having children can feel oddly emotional in a way I don’t think many people fully prepare you for.

Before you have kids, you almost imagine it’ll be logistical. Sort childcare. Sort work. Get organised. Crack on.

But actually, it’s far bigger than that.

It’s identity.
It’s guilt.
It’s confidence.
It’s finances.
It’s relationships.
It’s trying to work out who you are now alongside being somebody’s mum.

And honestly, I think one of the hardest things is that there’s pressure from every angle.

Pressure to be grateful.
Pressure to still be ambitious.
Pressure to be present.
Pressure not to “lose yourself”.
Pressure to be the perfect mum.
Pressure to still perform at work exactly like you did before children.

As someone who’s worked in recruitment for more than 23 years, alongside navigating this myself as a mum, I’ve seen certain patterns happen over and over again.

Not because women aren’t capable.

But because we are trying to navigate one of the biggest life transitions we’ll ever go through while carrying the emotional load of everybody else too.

MMB Magazine’s maternity returner survey found that only 18% of women felt genuinely happy and confident about returning to work after maternity leave, while 37% said they felt unsupported enough to consider leaving their employer entirely.

And honestly? That says a lot.

So here are some of the biggest mistakes I think mums make returning to work after maternity leave — and some of the things I genuinely wish somebody had told me sooner.

If you haven’t already, I’d also really recommend reading our Returning To Work After Maternity Leave: The Ultimate UK Guide For Mums, which goes much deeper into confidence, flexible working, burnout, childcare guilt and career planning after children.

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Doing What You Think You SHOULD Do — Not What You Actually Want

I feel this one deeply.

So many mums make decisions based on what they think they’re supposed to do rather than what genuinely works for them.

Sometimes that means rushing back before they’re emotionally ready because they feel guilty stepping away from work.

Sometimes it means shrinking their ambitions because they feel guilty still wanting a career.

Sometimes it means taking a role that fits everybody else’s needs except their own.

When I had my first child, I genuinely think I’d almost been conditioned into believing that going straight back into work proved something. Like it was some kind of badge of honour.

I went back working in my business five weeks after a traumatic birth and C-section. I was answering emails almost immediately afterwards and convincing myself that pushing through exhaustion somehow meant I was coping well.

Looking back now, I can see I was trying to prove:

• I could still do it all, not taking time to even see if that’s what I wanted
• I was still ambitious.
• I hadn’t “lost myself”
• Motherhood hadn’t changed me. This was a big one, and it felt like I had to show it hadn’t. But it had, and for the better.

But honestly? Motherhood DID change me.

And that’s okay.

I think one of the biggest things women need to hear is that there is no single “correct” version of being a working mum.

You are allowed to:

• want your career back
• want to slow down
• want flexibility
• want progression
• want more time at home
• want to build a business
• completely change direction

None of those things make you selfish.

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Returning Without Properly Thinking About What Your Life Actually Looks Like Now

This sounds obvious, but honestly, I think many women go back to work trying to fit their old life into their new one.

And usually it just doesn’t work.

Because life after children is completely different.

Your energy is different.
Your priorities are different.
Your responsibilities are different.

One of the biggest mistakes I see is women planning only for the “ideal” weeks.

Not the real ones.

Not:

• nursery bugs
• sleep deprivation
• inset days
• childcare falling through
• emotional overwhelm
• the mental load
• trying to juggle absolutely everything at once

Before you return to work, sit down properly and think realistically about:

• your childcare
• your support network
• school or nursery pick-ups
• what happens when your child is poorly
• your commute
• your energy levels
• your actual non-negotiables

Not just what sounds good on paper.

Real life planning matters far more than “perfect” planning.

If you’re currently trying to work all this out, our guide on how to create a return-to-work plan after maternity leave can help you think through the practical side properly before you return.

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Not Having The Conversation At Home Early Enough

Looking back, I honestly think this is one of the biggest ones.

And I don’t just mean: “Who’s doing nursery pick-up?”

I mean the bigger conversations.

The uncomfortable ones.

What do both of you actually want life to look like now, and what are your expectations of the other? I found that many of my friends had experiences where they were expected to take time off and sacrifice. It was never discussed; it was just expected. Making sure your needs and expectations are heard is key.

Who carries what?
What happens when childcare collapses?
Who takes time off when children are ill?
What does “equal parenting” actually mean in your house?

Because if those conversations don’t happen properly, assumptions quietly creep in.

And honestly, even now, most of those assumptions still tend to fall onto mothers.

I used to think:

“Well obviously the person earning less should be the one who leaves work if nursery calls.”

I don’t think that anymore.

Because over time, that thinking can slowly erode:

• confidence
• progression
• earnings
• independence
• identity
• feelings towards each other
• equality

And suddenly one person’s career quietly becomes secondary without anybody ever intentionally deciding that. Then you can find your needs being put second all time.

Parenting should feel like a shared conversation, not an automatic assumption.

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Losing Confidence After Maternity Leave Is More Common Than You Think

One thing I think we still don’t talk about enough is how much confidence can take a hit after having children.

And not because women suddenly become less capable.

Usually it’s the opposite.

But when you’ve spent months:

• out of the workplace
• exhausted
• touched out
• sleep deprived
• focused entirely on everybody else’s needs

…it’s very easy to stop seeing your own professional value clearly.

I’ve spoken to women who previously led teams, managed departments and handled huge projects who suddenly questioned whether they were capable of even attending meetings again after maternity leave.

That loss of confidence is incredibly common.

And honestly? Confidence usually doesn’t come back all at once.

It rebuilds slowly through:

• conversations
• routine
• action
• small wins
• proving to yourself that you still can do this

Because you absolutely can.

I still remember sitting outside nursery after drop-off at times trying not to cry before going into meetings. But I also remember the strange feeling of relief at using a different part of my brain again too.

That emotional contradiction can really throw you as a mum returning to work.

If confidence is something you’re struggling with, our guide on how to rebuild confidence returning to work as a mum goes much deeper into this.

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Assuming This Job Has To Be Forever

This is a HUGE one.

I think many mums put enormous pressure on themselves thinking:
“This next role has to solve everything.”

It doesn’t.

Sometimes your first role back is simply:

• rebuilding confidence
• rebuilding routine
• rebuilding stability
• giving yourself breathing space

That’s okay.

Your life after children will probably evolve multiple times.

Your career can evolve too.

One thing recruitment taught me years ago is that very few careers are linear anymore anyway.

People pivot.
Retrain.
Consult.
Start businesses.
Change industries.
Reduce hours.
Increase ambition later again.

You are not trapped forever because of one decision you make during an emotionally overwhelming season of life.

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Undervaluing Yourself After Time Away

Honestly, this is probably one of the biggest things I saw repeatedly in recruitment.

Women assuming time away from work had somehow reduced their value.

And most of the time, it simply wasn’t true.

Some of the strongest candidates I interviewed after maternity leave or career breaks were:

• calmer under pressure
• highly organised
• emotionally intelligent
• efficient
• resilient
• excellent communicators

The issue usually wasn’t capability.

It was confidence.

Motherhood develops skills workplaces desperately need.

The problem is women often completely underestimate themselves afterwards.

You are not “starting from scratch”.

You are returning with experience.
Life experience included.

Research from Pregnant Then Screwed has repeatedly highlighted how common workplace anxiety and confidence struggles remain for mothers returning after maternity leave — especially around flexibility and progression.

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Comparing Yourself To Other Mums

Honestly, social media has made this so much worse.

You see:

• the mums smashing career progression
• the mums baking organic muffins
• the spotless houses
• the flexible jobs
• the aesthetically perfect routines

And meanwhile you’re sitting there trying to remember whether you brushed your teeth this morning while replying to emails and searching for a lost PE kit.

Comparison is brutal during this stage of life because everybody’s setup is different.

Different:

• finances
• support systems
• childcare
• relationships
• careers
• personalities
• children
• energy levels

What works brilliantly for one family might completely break another.

Focus on what works for YOUR life.

Not what looks impressive online.

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Trying To Carry Everything Alone

I think many women still quietly wear exhaustion almost like a badge of honour.

Like struggling means you’re doing motherhood “properly”.

But honestly, trying to carry:

• work
• parenting
• school admin
• emotional labour
• housework
• life logistics
• everybody else’s needs

…completely alone is unsustainable.

And I say this as somebody who absolutely has tried to do exactly that.

You are allowed:

• support
• childcare
• easier options
• shortcuts
• help from friends
• meal deliveries
• grandparents helping
• wraparound care
• flexible working

You do not need to prove your worth through exhaustion.

If burnout is already creeping in, our guide on how to successfully return to work after maternity leave without burning out may help you spot the warning signs earlier.

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Your Career Does Not Need To Look The Same As It Did Before Children

I think this is something many women quietly wrestle with.

Sometimes after children, your old career path still fits perfectly.

Sometimes it doesn’t.

And neither outcome means you’ve failed.

You may:

• want more flexibility
• want slower seasons
• become more ambitious
• completely change direction
• start valuing time differently
• want financial independence more than ever
• decide to build something yourself

That’s all okay too.

Motherhood changes people.

You are allowed to evolve alongside it.

And honestly, one of the biggest mindset shifts is realising you are not stuck.

Just because one employer or one setup no longer works for your family doesn’t mean your ambitions are unrealistic.

If you’re struggling with workplace conversations around flexibility or rights, both Working Families UK and ACAS offer genuinely helpful advice and guidance for working parents.

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Forgetting That YOU Matter Too

This is probably the biggest thing I want mums reading this to hear.

You matter outside of being a mother too.

Your:

• ambitions
• mental health
• identity
• career
• independence
• confidence
• happiness

…all matter.

And I think sometimes women slowly disappear underneath motherhood without even fully noticing it happening.

Not overnight.

Just slowly.
Quietly.

One compromise at a time.

And honestly, I think one of the healthiest things children can see is a mother who still exists as a whole person too.

Not a perfect mother.

A supported one.

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Final Thoughts

Returning to work after children is not just a career transition.

It’s an identity transition.

And honestly, I think many mums spend so much time trying to become everything for everybody else that they slowly stop asking themselves what they need too.

There will be messy days.
There will be guilt.
There will be moments where you question yourself completely.

But there will also be moments where you realise:

• you are still ambitious
• still intelligent
• still capable
• still yourself underneath motherhood too

And that matters.

Because your children do not need a perfect mother.

They need a mother who feels seen, supported and emotionally alive within her own life too.

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Related Guides For Working Mums

If you’re navigating the return to work after children, these guides may help too:

• How To Rebuild Confidence Returning To Work As A Mum
• How To Successfully Return To Work After Maternity Leave Without Burning Out
• What Is A Returner Programme — And Can It Help You Restart Your Career?
• Returning to work the phased return guide

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