Factors to consider when initially facing separation:-
Separation is very much a process which is more easier faced when you are working day to day, one step at a time.
It is always better to try to agree things wherever possible. Sometimes it is not possible or not possible yet.
Here is a list of practical issues for those early difficult days and to help you to focus on what you may need to consider:-
| Get anything out of the house that is of personal/sentimental value to you – if it disappears or is damaged then it’s hard (if not impossible) to get back. |
| Consider having an overnight bag ready for you/children in a safe place– just in case you need to get out quickly. |
| Documents – remove all documents relating to your personal/financial circumstances from the house – you would be surprised at how often documents go missing!You should not remove documents that do not belong to you but if you do find anything then your “recall from memory” can be used. Be observant of what is lying around. |
| Marriage certificate – if you can find the original then put it in a place of safety – a certified copy can be requested but this can slow things down. If you married abroad this is particularly important. |
| Keep safe – you need to ensure that you and any children are physically safe. If you have any concerns then you need to take advice on an urgent basis. |
| Keep a diary/log – in extreme cases evidence may be required as to the behaviour of one party. Keeping a contemporaneous note (even on your phone) is a good way to recall events that otherwise you might forget/get mixed up about – it is also good evidence as it made at the time. |
| Advise work if you feel this would help – if you are having difficulties at home then advise your line manager or HR contact at work especially in cases where there is a high level of acrimony – not only will they possibly be able to help on a welfare level but also advance notice is better than reacting after the event. |
| Bank accounts – consider joint accounts as they can be accessed by any party named on the account. Consider splitting the accounts or freezing them so they can’t be accessed at all (note however that this may lead to all accounts being frozen so check first). Once it is gone it is harder (if not impossible) to get back. Open a new account in your sole name if you do not have one already. |
| Wages – advise payroll to get your wages paid into an account in your sole name as soon as possible. |
| Address – consider changing your correspondence address with payroll, pension provider, banks etc. |
| Pension – request your pension CETV (transfer value) as soon as possible. You are entitled to 1 free valuation every 12 months and the closer it is to separation the better. Remember to change your correspondence address if you are no longer at the home. |
| Utilities – if any bills are in your sole name consider whether it would be appropriate to advise the provider you are moving out and ask for a final bill. Don’t just cancel them but give the contact details for your partner and if appropriate advise them of your actions. |
| Council tax – if you are single (0ver 18) occupant you will be entitled to a 25% discount. |
| Tax credits – dependent on your earnings/hours you might be entitled to tax credits/universal credit. Use the online calculator to check. |
| Child maintenance – whether you are the payer or payee, it is useful to know the situation. Use the online calculator. You will need details of your income, tax, NI and pension contributions. |
| Children – however tempting it is to use the children to score points, remember that your children love you equally. Leave them out of adult arguments. If you struggle to make arrangements then consider engaging in the process of family mediation. |
| Legal advice – it is essential that you get full legal advice as soon as possible so you know your options. Being on the back foot is not a good place to be and whilst your friends and colleagues will be an excellent support for you they are not lawyers! |
For specialist and confidential advice and assistance as to next steps be assured we can help. We can help with legal advice or mediation to suit your needs. Contact us on 01423 637272 or enquiries@barnesclarkfamily.law
# Checklist when facing separation