It’s the season to be jolly – or so we’re told but attempting to have a wonderful Christmas after a divorce can be tricky, especially when there are children involved.
If it is your first Christmas after a divorce and you are feeling sad, lonely or even angry then that is completely normal. But whilst it will inevitably be difficult it could also be seen as a time to start new traditions. Keebles LLP Legal Director, Antony Ball, outlines some guidance for people as we approach the festive season.
It’s okay to not be okay
After speaking with clients around the Christmas period they explain that they can become overwhelmed by even the small things such as getting the decorations out or picking a tree. It’s important to remember that going through a divorce at any time of year is an incredibly traumatic experience so it’s okay if you want to be a little ‘grinchy’ this year!
Try not to focus on what has happened during this difficult period but focus on the year ahead, enjoy the time with your family and embrace the changes. This time next year out life and outlook may be entirely different.
Children
If you do have children with your ex-partner trying to navigate who is going to have the children when may not always be straightforward. Sharing holidays can be extremely stressful for the children so it’s always helpful to have that in mind when planning Christmas with your ex.
If you have a Court Order which details how Christmas will be shared, then it is important that you stick to this unless the order allows for some degree of flexibility and both you and your ex-partner agree to the changes.
It may be helpful to communicate with your ex-partner about other issues involving the children over Christmas (if possible). For example, who will be buying what present for the children? Will the children be seeing the wider family? If your ex-partner is on their own it may be nice to buy them a present from the children.
Remember to make all decisions in the best interest of the children and especially at this time of year there may need to be additional co-operation and compromise.
If you have agreed to spend some time together as a family over the Christmas period for the children, then it may be helpful to agree some ground rules and boundaries.
Starting new traditions
If you are feeling a little low this first Christmas then it could be a good time to start new traditions instead of doing things the way you used to do them, try and focus on how to make this Christmas special rather than focussing on what’s missing. Why not do something this year you have always wanted to do? Planning something like this will give you something to look forward to over Christmas.
Support network
If you know that you are going to struggle to spend Christmas alone (then as long as you follow the Government Covid guidelines) make sure you ask family and friends to include you in their plans. You need to make sure you take care of yourself emotionally – so ask for support if you need it.
Family breakdowns are a painful and difficult time so it’s important to remember to be kind to yourself this Christmas and give yourself a bit of a break to enjoy the festivities!
# Christmas arrangements after divorce