How Can An Employer Support Employees Through Baby Loss.

How Can An Employer Support Employees Through Baby Loss.

Losing a baby is sadly something that happens to so many of us, too many. Unfortunately, for most, we end up back at work too quickly afterwards. Sometimes, we feel we should, sometimes because we have no choice and sometimes because our employers have no policy to support us and aren’t sure what to do.

In 2013, I went through my pregnancy loss. As it was early on in my pregnancy and nobody knew, I felt like I had to hide what happened, and I returned to work the same week. I was grieving and in physical and emotional pain, but I went to work with a smile and got on with my job. I did tell my team what happened on my return, but nobody told me to take time off; it was just accepted that I was back and not talked of again. Unfortunately, my mental health really suffered. I hadn’t dealt with my feelings and hadn’t recovered from my ordeal. The longer-term put me in a very negative place for years after, while I continued to wait for my turn to be a mother, eventually requiring IVF. In hindsight, I should have taken one or two weeks off to recover fully and should have been more open about my feelings with my friends, family and especially my colleagues who sat next to me every day.

Since my experience of baby loss and fertility treatment alongside a busy day job, I have been on a mission to introduce policies that would have supported my journey to becoming a mother, in addition to creating an inclusive culture for everyone, going through many different life experiences alongside their professional lives. Recognising that life is bigger than an office’s four walls can create a psychologically safe workplace where people can be themselves. You can’t get a more engaged, loyal and hardworking team than one that feels fully supported to be who they are and a team that is assured they will be looked after if and when the worst happens.

Changing policies or adding policies to a company handbook can be intimidating, mainly if it is on a topic that you don’t have first-hand experience. There is no end of support online to help HR professionals pull together policies on baby loss or to signpost support that is available for people who need it, for example, Sands | Saving babies’ lives. Supporting bereaved families., Workplace support for employees experiencing pregnancy or baby loss: Guidance for people professionals | CIPD, The Pregnancy Loss Pledge – The Miscarriage Association and Baby Loss Information and support | Tommy’s (tommys.org).

So, what should a company provide for someone going through baby loss? There is no right or wrong answer here because, obviously, any policy that you create needs to suit the needs of your company and your team. You don’t need to throw a lot of money or resources to create this sort of policy; just having one makes a huge difference, but these are some helpful tips for creating a baby loss policy and for creating a safe environment for their return;

• Remember to use inclusive language. Try to refer to parents rather than gender-specific roles.
  
• Remember that the partner will feel the impact of a loss and who was carrying the baby, so consider what you can put in place to support either parent.
  
• Consider that a pregnancy may be via a surrogate or adoption. 
  
• If you can offer paid time off, then this would be important to encourage someone going through a loss to rest. Time off is essential when using SSP if you can’t offer more. 
  
• Make sure you provide complete flexibility about where and how someone works, particularly when they return, which may need to be phased return to work. Working from home or working adjusted hours could help someone get back to work sooner whilst taking it easy and avoiding too many people. 
  
• Consider whether or not a risk assessment should be carried out. Depending on their role in your organisation, you may need advice from their GP. 
  
• Signpost your employees to your EAP if you have one or any other counselling support, e.g. through health insurance. If you don’t have these things in place, direct them to some websites with lots of free advice and resources.
  
• Before the individual returns to work, ask them what communication they would like; for example, Do they want other people to know or keep it confidential? Do they want to tell people themselves, or would they prefer you to? Do they want to talk about what happened or altogether avoid it? Do they need additional support to make them feel more comfortable returning to work? 
  
• Avoid saying things to ‘make them feel better’. Flippant comments such as “Don’t worry, I am sure it will work next time”, “you are young, you have plenty of time”, or “My friend had a miscarriage and got pregnant straight away afterwards” may seem kind but actually can sometimes cause more pain. Instead, you could say, “What can I do or say to help?”

Remember, what works for one person may be different for someone else, so listen to the individual, make changes or adjustments if needed and respect what they need. Baby loss is widespread, but regardless of how many people it happens to, when it happens, how it happens and why, it is still a loss and for that person, it is profound and deeply upsetting.

……………………………………………..

Lianne Baker is a People professional with over 18 years’ experience working within HR in TV, Publishing, Recruitment and Hospitality. She is passionate about creating an inclusive workplace and has written various articles and blogs about supporting working mothers, fertility and flexible working. 

Lianne is Head of People & Culture for Enfuse Group, an award-winning digital transformation consultancy working with clients in retail, hospitality, education and legal sectors. Enfuse Group is a small, values-based organisation known for putting people first. They have been recently recognised as Best Companies #2 Best Consultancy to Work for, Top 100 Great Places to Work, Top Inspiring Workplaces, and recognised at the British HR Awards.

Enfuse Group