By Tracey Barraclough
I’ll get straight to the point. I’m completely and utterly fed up of female celebrities telling me that as a working mum, I feel guilty for going out to work, along with a suggestion that guilt is the most natural thing in the world, nay a prerequisite.
Guilty as Charged!
I’ll get straight to the point. I’m completely and utterly fed up of female celebrities telling me that as a working mum, I feel guilty for going out to work, along with a suggestion that guilt is the most natural thing in the world, nay a prerequisite which, if I bought in to it, could leave me feeling guilty for not feeling guilty! Well I don’t and never have, even when I returned to work which back then, was a full time PA role when my son was only three months old and still being breast fed.
Yes, I’ve more often than not cried at the bus stop when leaving him behind, as well as physically ached with longing to see him again at the end of the working day but guilt? Never. There were a couple of reasons for this; a) I needed to work for financial reasons and b) I wanted to work. Why I’d feel guilty about that is beyond me, given that I wasn’t actually doing anything wrong.
If I’d neglected or rejected my son then yes, I’d definitely have a reason for feeling guilty but he was loved and cared for beyond words, came first before anything or anyone else, and I ensured that he knew it without question; and when after a devastating family tragedy had been closely followed by a miscarriage, there simply couldn’t have been a more wanted baby.
So let’s take a look at exactly what guilt is. Guilt is the equivalent of beating yourself up with a big fat stick, or in other words is a form of self-punishment which isn’t just associated with choosing to go out to work, but can be prevalent no matter what we are doing. It’s a part of our mind that’s really saying we ought to either be doing something else, or doing it better; we ‘should’ be reading a book instead of watching TV, we ‘should’ be ironing instead of watching a film, we ‘should’ be smarter, cook better, be a better mum, wife, girlfriend, daughter, friend, and a general acceptance that we’re in the wrong and it’s all our fault. You get the picture and it’s an exhausting one!
Be very aware that guilt is a negative feeling which increases the stress hormone in our bodies known as cortisol. Stress also weakens the immune system which therefore means that it’s unlikely for physical disease to even actually exist without there being guilt present on some level or another.
We’ve somehow accepted that wanting to have a fulfilling life for ourselves is selfishness. So what can we do about it? Well firstly, how about making the decision not to beat yourself up and then let go of the guilt; this is the first step and is entirely different to having a conscience, which I like to think that I do have in spades and is the thing that stops me from committing a crime.
The next time that negative little energy sucker rears itself in your mind, don’t be afraid to challenge it and ask the guilt if it’s really justified. Let’s face it, it’s tough enough being a working mum and juggling more balls than a circus clown, so cut yourself some slack and know that you’re doing a great job! How do I know? Just take a look at your loved and cared for children.